A Father's Reflection
by NB313
Summary: What does it mean to be a father? A four part series. Each one-shot will showcase one of our favourite male characters from VA as they spend some time reflecting on what it means to be a father. Set at various moments in time, starting from Last Sacrifice and going beyond. Posted Part I for the Father's Day compilation in VA10thanniversaryproject's profile.
1. Part I

**Story name:** A father's reflection

 **Author:** NB313

 **Background:** What does it mean to be a father? This is the first of a four part series. Each one-shot will showcase one of our favourite male characters from VA as they spend some time reflecting on what it means to be a father. Set at various moments in time, starting from Last Sacrifice and going beyond. Posting Part I for the compilation – the rest will be posted over the course of the next 3 months on NB313 – with the final 'part' posted on Father's Day (Aus calendar – 3rd Sept).

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 **PART I = ABE**

Money and Power.

With these I've been able to grow my empire and become an influential person. But no amount of money or power can help me now, as I sit here and watch my little girl undertake her greatest fight that will determine whether she lives or dies!

I may not come from a royal family but I'm the most feared Moroi in our world. Gaining such a reputation wasn't an easy task – I had to do a lot of terrible things…

The worst of which was pushing aside fatherhood and my beautiful daughter – Rosemarie.

I can still remember the day she was born.

Janine had woken up in a panic – shaking me amidst her screeching that her side of the bed was wet. She'd gone into labour and it wasn't long before the contractions kicked in. Luckily we were prepared for such an occurrence and having roused two of my most trusted Guardians, Pavel and Boris, we sped towards Memorial Ankara Hastanesi. Janine wasn't happy about giving birth in Turkey – she would have preferred Scotland or the US – but I had too many enemies and Turkey was one of the few countries where I was 'king' and practically untouchable, so was convinced this would be the safest place. Since I had the local authorities in my pocket, I knew Pavel could break every traffic law known to mankind to get Janine to the hospital and not worry about getting pulled over.

What would have normally taken an hour took us twenty mins and I burst through the emergency doors, looking foreboding and powerful, while Boris carried a screaming Janine through the door, his normally stoic expression replaced with one of concern and discomfort – give him a Strigoi and he knew what to do, but a screeching, pregnant Dhampir and he was way out of his element!

It didn't take long for the nurses and doctors to dance to my tune and in less than 10 minutes we were set up in a private room and the head of obstetrics performing Janine's examination. The verdict was in – we were about to meet our daughter in less than 3 hours!

I knew Janine was not a stranger to pain – she'd been training to be a Guardian since she was 5 – but seeing her baulk and scream in throes of labour made me wonder if this was a whole other level of pain she was experiencing for the first time. It had killed me to watch her suffer and not be able to do anything.

At 2am on 21st March, our princess entered the world – Rosemarie Aileen Hathaway-Mazur. I would have preferred to have not hyphenated her name but we had discussed this and I knew it was a necessary evil. But none of that mattered – the world faded away as I held my precious daughter. I can count on one hand the number of times I've cried and this was one of those rare times. She was perfect and I couldn't believe she was half of me. Her hair and eyes were my colouring but the nose, ears and chin were just like her mothers. Even though she was only a few hours old I knew straight away she would be the best parts of us. We held her in our arms knowing there wasn't anything else we would love more in this world.

Unfortunately, having a family, regardless of the endless love and joy they bring, is still a weakness, which my enemies were more than happy to exploit. It started at the hospital, when a few days later someone tried to kidnap Rose. Luckily Pavel and Boris were doing a sweep of the ward and noticed an 'unidentified nurse' trying to covertly walk away with the baby. She didn't stick around to be interrogated but the message was clear – my family was not safe.

So I made plans to take us off the grid and we went to the one town where I was certain we could raise Rose and live in obscurity – Baia, Russia. We were blessed with four glorious years, where we watched our beautiful girl grow up into an inquisitive, stubborn, wild child. She had her mother's temper but my penchant for mischief. But unfortunately my enemies found us and our dream of a happy family had to end.

It was with a heavy heart we decided to split up and place Rose in an academy that was based in the US. I released Janine from my service so she could get her own allocation, knowing it was best to keep my distance from her as well. Janine was heartbroken but understood, though her way of coping our separation was to throw herself into Guardian work, needing it to forget the 'family fantasy' she had to leave behind.

And so my life was turned upside down – my daughter in the US, my wife somewhere in Nepal with her new charge and me in Russia. I threw myself into the 'business' with a new vengeance – if my enemies wanted to shut me down by threatening to destroy the two good things I had in my life, they were in for a rude awakening.

I knew Janine was maintaining her distance from Rose – for Rose's protection and also for her own sanity – but that didn't stop me from keeping an eye on our baby girl. My eyes and ears was Alberta, a dear friend and confidant who knew about me and my 'business'. I was confident in her ability to be discreet and careful in the way she kept me informed about Rose and her progress at school.

Through anonymous donations, I was able to cover her and some of the orphaned Dhampirs tuitions – I had to be careful to not be seen giving money directly to the academy in case my enemies were watching. Alberta had instructions to use some of that money to ensure Rose had the necessary essentials for school and that she received a decent present on her birthday and Christmas. It wasn't perfect and I knew as the years went on, and Rose started acting out, Janine and I would have our work cut out for us if and when we tried to re-enter her life. Alberta explained how Rose had started seeing herself like the other orphans, even though she wasn't, and it killed me to put her through so much pain and sorrow but it was a small price to pay to keep her safe.

I found out about her involvement in the crash when I attended the state funeral held at Court for the deceased Dragomirs. I had been livid and had wanted to rip into Alberta but Janine – who was also there due to her charge's attendance – pulled me aside and calmed me down. It physically hurt us to not be able to comfort our daughter. We silently watched from the shadows as Rose sat next to the last Dragomir and lent the poor girl her strength and support while she internalised her grief for losing a family she had loved as her own. It was a sobering moment for us and the guilt we felt on our continued absence seemed to endlessly expand within our souls.

The next big moment in Rose's life was when she disappeared from the academy with the same Dragomir girl. I had been about ready to drop everything and use all of my resources to hunt her down, but Alberta stopped me with the warning that such a move would finally let my enemies know who Rose was and put her in even more danger in the 'human world' than she already was. The academy were going to use their own resources to find them, plus they had permission from Hans and the Queen to do whatever was necessary to bring the girls home.

I decided to cash in a favour with an old acquaintance from Baia and send Alberta a Guardian who had graduated top of his class and I knew could be trusted.

It still took them 2 years but Belikov finally delivered, like I knew he would. I couldn't help but be proud of Rose – she really was my daughter, being able to stay under the radar for that long without any incident. Little did I know at the time the important role Belikov was to play in Rose's life.

I'd had dealings with Victor Dashkov in the past and had found him to be an overzealous fanatic hell-bent on some mythical revolution, but due to his chronic and aggressive sickness had never considered him to be a real threat. When I was made aware of the kidnapping and the subsequent jail break that had almost cost Rose her life, I had wanted to drop everything and go down to the Court cells at that moment and kill Victor with my bare hands. Luckily, Pavel kept me in check and made sure I remained in Russia to complete the business I was there for. My compromise on the matter was to fly straight to Court once I had concluded with my dealings in Russia and I worked my contacts to ensure the members of the Council would be 'encouraged' into sending Victor to the worst of our prisons – Tarasov. If I hadn't intervened they'd been considering either house arrest or one of the more 'Moroi friendly' prisons due to his 'medical condition' which classified him as a 'low flight risk' candidate.

When I saw Rose face to face in Russia, it was a bittersweet experience. She looked so much like me though her height and body was all her mothers. She had turned 18 and I remembered the promise I had made to myself after the car crash – where I would finally come out of the shadows and reveal myself to her when she reached adulthood. But before we could have that 'revelation', she had arrived in Russia on a mission to hunt down her mentor who had turned Strigoi. But as I watched my princess interact with the Belikovas the night of Belikov's memorial, I realised with a sad heart she wasn't here to set a mentor free but to give eternal peace to a lover. I'd never wanted this kind of life for Rose and seeing her in so much pain was heartbreaking!

But that little girl of mine! She has given me more near heart-attacks than I thought possible – getting caught by Strigoi Belikov and somehow barely escaping alive, dating the notorious Ivashkov manwhore, enquiring about Victor & Tarasov which I suspect lead to his break out. Then there was the whole changing her lover back into a Dhampir, being framed for the Queen's murder, her own little jailbreak – with some 'explosive' help from me – and finally getting shot in front of me by the Ozera bitch!

Words cannot describe how I'd felt watching Rose take the bullet and crumble on the floor before Lissa and Dimitri. I wasn't close enough to push them aside and take her into my arms. In fact, Pavel and another Court Guardian had pushed me further away from the scene, worried that I could be next – after all I was Abe Mazur and a Moroi!

In my mind the doctors had taken too long and if only I had been able to shove everyone aside and taken hold of the situation, I'm certain I would have gotten her to surgery much quicker.

As I watch her struggling to come back to us, Janine quietly explained to me how this would be the second time Rose had nearly died – the first time occurring in the car accident that had killed the Dragomirs.

I thought I'd endured pain and anguish before but nothing could compare to my current helplessness as I watch my princess on the surgery table, fighting for her life. All I can do is pray, beg and threaten every deity and high power I could think of. She had to live, there was no doubt about it. I didn't even want to think what I would do if she were to die in the hospital – all I can say is no one would be safe. I'd even burn the hospital down without a second thought.

But my little girl, my princess, has always been a fighter – she got that from both of us and I was certain she would pull through now.

After all, she really was the best parts of us and I wouldn't have it any other way!


	2. Part II

**Here is Part II of the four part series.**

 **Thank you to princesslara99 for your medical expertise.**

 **Releasing it today specifically in honour of a special chica – you know who you are :P**

 _ **Feliz cumpleanos mi querida amiga**_

 **PART II = CHRISTIAN**

I stand and watch in awe as my beautiful wife goes through, for the second time, what I can only guess is unimaginable pain to bring forth our two sons into this world. I still don't know what I did in this life to be considered worthy of the love she unconditionally bestows upon me every day. She is the centre of my existence – my very own sun!

The harsh reality is that I come from a cursed family. May seem a bit melodramatic to make such a hard statement but it's the truth. First it was my parents choosing to become Strigoi in their quest for power. Then my aunt, who in her pursuit to change the status quo and desperate to reclaim the man she loved, committed regicide and framed & nearly killed the only other person who I had considered family after Lissa.

Frankly I'm surprised I haven't been given a one-way ticket to Tarasov as a precautionary measure!

The frustrating element in all of this was that I loved my family and they loved me! I actually had a close relationship with my parents, especially my father. This was evident from the few memories I retained of my parents (pre-Strigoi), the stories Aunt Tasha told me and the large collection of videos & photo albums I kept in storage. I could recall a wonderful summer – I think it was the last one I shared with my parents before they choose the 'dark side' – were we had vacationed at a lake house. It was just the three of us, as Aunt Tasha had been busy and we had so much fun doing silly activities like fishing and playing board games. That weekend they weren't Moira and Lucas Ozera, they were just my mum and dad, and that's all I ever needed them to be.

My relationship with Aunt Tasha had changed dramatically once she took me in. While my parents were 'alive' she was the cool, fun aunt and I was in constant awe of her. But when she had to step-up and take over their role, I felt a whole new level of respect and admiration for her. I was eternally grateful when she took me in since she put her own life on pause and gave me the love and protection I so desperately needed. And every time I saw the scar that marred her beautiful face, it reminded me that she really had gone above and beyond in her quest to keep me from harm.

Having witnessed the 'unsettling' personality traits of my family first-hand, I couldn't help but question my own. For a very long time I isolated myself from my peers – to me they seemed like a bunch of spoilt, snotty buffoons. I had no aspirations for power like my parents but I was no push-over and if needed could hold my own. I whole-heartedly believed in some of the philosophies Aunt Tasha advocated for – specifically the equal rights for Dhampirs and Moroi being allowed to use magic offensively & being taught physical combat so they didn't hide behind their Guardians. However, I wanted to convince the individual not elicit a revolution and flip the system overnight. So even though I wasn't them completely, I had their spirit and this worried me greatly – especially the first time I found out I was going to be a dad.

I wasn't naïve, I knew Lissa wanted kids – lots of them – because she just had so much love to give and adored children in general. The fact that it would re-populate the Dragomir bloodline was an added bonus.

I, on the other hand, wasn't a big fan of the little buggers – as babies all they seemed to do was poop, eat, sleep and occasionally throw up in a manner that would have put the possessed version of Linda Blair to shame. As little kids they seemed annoying, constantly invading your personal space and asking asinine questions – in other words miniature versions of Rose! And let's not get started on how much they affect the parent's lives, who no longer seem to function in 'adult society' and become complete slaves to their hellish offspring.

The day Lissa told me I was to be a dad, I almost packed a bag and considered to make a run for it. In fact I was desperately hoping that one of the academies would call me in for an indefinite period of time so that I could escape the confines of my upcoming responsibility and the craziness that was in store in my near future. In fact the moment she showed me the pregnancy test I almost had a panic attack!

Of all the people who could have knocked sense into me, the last person I'd consider coming to my aide was Adrian, but it was he who I came across while I walked around Court trying to digest the news and stop myself from taking the coward's way out. He listened to my rants & fears and calmly pointed out that I was not my family and shouldn't carry so much guilt & doubt. A child was a blessing and I had to remember that any child we had would contain half of Lissa's pure & sweet essence, and just like that I found myself feeling something for the little critter.

It wasn't easy and self-doubt plagued me through-out the whole pregnancy and at times I was probably more broody and bitchy than the actual pregnant woman – much to the annoyance of everyone especially Dimitri and Rose.

But when 8 months later, Rosalia Moira Dragomir-Ozera was born, it was like I fell in love all over again. She had my hair but her mother's eyes – or so I guessed since she was still too young for the colour to form. As I held my daughter, I felt my world shift its axis and I finally did something I thought I'd never be able to do – I forgave my parents and my aunt.

If Lissa was my sun, Rosie was my moon and she pulled me in with such a force that I couldn't help but be swept away in an all-encompassing love I never knew existed before her birth. I decided that day, as I held my little moon that I would focus only on the present and try to look at life in a more positive manner. I would also stop holding myself accountable for the actions committed by my family and in the process move past the bad memories and cherish the good ones. I had a new mission in life – to love and protect my 'new' family and I couldn't do that if I was wallowing in the actions committed by my 'old' one.

Even though Rose cracked jokes about it, I was – for the most part – a house husband. I spent a few hours every day running the Moroi training at Court and oversaw the Moroi combat curriculum for the academy at Court as well as the academies around the world, but once that was done the rest of my day was empty. Sometimes I would join Lissa at Council sessions, especially if the topics were of interest to me, while other times I would train – one on one – with Dimitri. But again this was a few hours a week.

When Rosie was born, I convinced Lissa we didn't need to worry about a royal nanny. I finally had something – more like someone – that gave my life purpose and it excited me. I was already cooking for us – and by us I meant Lissa and all our friends at Court who practically ate dinner at our place every single night! But getting the chance to raise our baby girl as a full-time stay at home parent was something I was both nervous and thrilled about.

It wasn't without its challenges and even though Lissa tried to breastfeed, it made our lives easier when Rosie was transitioned to formula at 4 months. I also became an expert nappy changer, feeder, story teller and baby calmer. I knew it bothered my wife sometimes that our daughter preferred to be comforted by me over her, but in the end she loved watching the bond that formed between us and wouldn't have it any other way.

I still pinched myself sometimes, wondering how I got so lucky. I had my own sun and little moon that burned so brightly in my darkened world that only a small remnant remained of the foreboding shadows that had haunted me since my parent's death.

The sad thing about life is that to appreciate the good you have to experience the bad.

Rosie had just turned one and was starting day-care. Meanwhile in the world of vampires, an important piece of legislation was being passed through the governing bodies and Lissa had to attend a three-day meeting in Romania where all the important people in the vampire world – Moroi and Dhampir – would be in attendance. This wasn't the first time, nor would it be the last, Lissa had to travel overseas for her Queenly duties. But something had me worrying and I begged Dimitri to join them. I'm glad I listened to my gut, otherwise things could have been much worse.

The meeting itself had gone well and by the end of the third day the legislation had been passed through and accepted by all – finally Dhampir communes would be recognised as 'part' of our world and be given the rights and protection they desperately needed.

Unfortunately, a large army of Strigoi had been waiting for the perfect opportunity to deliver a cataclysmic blow to our world and what better way to do this than killing the Moroi Queen!

The royal motorcade had been ambushed on its way to the airport and the battle had been brutal. Ten royal guards died that day and the surviving ones all had series injuries. By the time reinforcements arrived the place looked like a blood bath. Rose was in a coma for almost three months, while Dimitri had a broken arm and shattered collarbone. Even Lissa got injured and though on the surface it didn't seem as bad as the others, internally it was a whole other story.

During the fighting a select group of the guards kept close to Lissa but there is only so much they could do and in the midst of the chaos Lissa's abdomen had been pierced. Rose had done her best to staunch the bleeding but when the doctors finally looked inside they noted that the piece of sharp metal – which had once been part of the car door – had cleanly severed her left fallopian tube. She had been lucky that it was a clean cut and hadn't caused any heavy internal bleeding or severe scaring on the uterus. Once the craziness died down and the survivors recovered, we finally spoke to the royal doctor to better understand the implications of this – Lissa's fertility had now been cut in half and the chances of her falling pregnant, which were already low (due to both of us being Moroi), had now dropped to a heart-breaking level of 5%.

We were young and had so much love to give, and for me – who had finally accepted my role as a dad – this news was earth-shattering. I wanted to curl up & cry and could feel all the depression and sadness I had pushed back returning ten-fold. But then I watched Lissa fall apart – this news along with her Spirit powers caused her to fall into a depression the likes of which I had never witnessed before. It was our beautiful daughter Rosie and our insane sister Rose that helped us through one of the darkest periods of our lives.

Five percent wasn't much but it was still something and the doctor warned us that if we were to fall pregnant – by some miracle – it was would be a high risk pregnancy. Nonetheless we tried and kept on trying – something I would never complain about! The doctor also recommended a series of hormone boosting injections in a bid to make the viable ovary produce more eggs – more eggs, more chances of falling pregnant was his reasoning.

I guess the universe felt my life was still incomplete & dark, and the powers that be bestowed upon us not one but two bright and shiny stars – our twin sons.

When we had discovered our 'little miracles', I was gobsmacked and had to be shaken and slapped by the assisting nurse to come back to reality. We knew that increasing the number of eggs increased the chances of us having multiple births, but since multiple births for Moroi were so rare we figured the two would negate each other.

If I thought the first pregnancy was bad, this felt like it was times ten with Lissa constantly in pain and experiencing sickness throughout the first 6 months. Since it was also considered a high risk pregnancy – times two – she was visiting the doctor at least once a week if not more. After she passed her 6 month milestone, she was put on bed rest which presented a whole other set of problems for Rose, Dimitri and I as we tried to convince her to govern her people from the comfort of her bed.

As she had chosen the name for our daughter, she gave me full reign on deciding the names for the twins. I struggled with the task and had almost given up when one night I had a strange dream. In it I was sitting around a table, playing a game of poker with my dad, Eric and Andre. It almost felt real because had they been alive this is what I imagined us doing whenever we caught up with our families. Nonetheless I woke up that night with my answer.

As I stand here and watch my two little stars feeding from their tired yet exuberant mother, I can feel tears stinging my eyes. We now have two beautiful sons, who had my dark hair but their mother's smile. I can't help but smile myself as I recall the names I signed on their birth certificates.

Eric Dumitru Dragomir-Ozera and Lucas Andrei Dragomir-Ozera.

I may have come from a cursed family but I no longer carried this curse, for I now had a family that were my own little universe and I couldn't be happier!


	3. Part III

**Here is Part III of the four part series.**

 **Releasing it today because it's Father's Day in Brazil/Samoa (or so Wikipedia tells me) :P**

 **PART III = ADRIAN**

This is the best party ever!

Ok, on the surface it's like any other party I've attended in the past – lots of music, laughter, chatter and noise. But there are a few key differences…

There isn't any alcohol or drugs

I'm not strutting around in designer clothes

There is a plastic tiara on my head

And a giant birthday cake that needs cutting!

It's Tanya's first birthday party and the theme is 'Princesses'. Everyone is aware she is too young to even remember this birthday, let alone care what the featured theme was, but I think Sydney is living vicariously through our little angel and had been adamant on having a specific theme to help flesh out the essentials that are needed to have a successful birthday party such as decorations, cake, clothes and games. Which is why I'm walking around with a tiara on my head, much to the amusement of my friends and family.

But that's what you do when you are a dad – you _willingly_ do ANYTHING, even humiliate yourself, if it means you can bring a smile on your child's face.

And anyway, I'm no stranger to humiliation…

An addict

Man-whore

Spoilt royal

Queen's crazy nephew

I've been called these names and many more behind my back and some even to my face. I'd acted aloof and carefree about such titles but that doesn't mean I was naïve on I how was perceived in our society nor was I unaffected by such hurtful assumptions.

But I was Adrian FUCKING Ivashkov and even before I learned to walk, I was taught how to hide my true emotions from the world – after all my Aunt Tati always said _"…Showing your emotions is akin to displaying your weakness…"_

Plus I had somewhat convinced myself that my vices were a 'necessary evil' that were needed as a coping mechanism to the side-effects of Spirit. Yet I always wondered if my life would have been a constant supply of booze, drugs and women if I hadn't been born an Ivashkov. I certainly wouldn't have gotten away with as much as I had if it wasn't for the fact I was the Queen's 'beloved great-nephew'.

It sounds a bit cliché to say that my issues can all be traced back to my parents, who with their lack of proper parental love and support, pushed me down the dark rabbit hole in which my soul resided for the better part of 10 years.

The strange thing is that it wasn't always like this or at least that's what Aunt Tati told me.

When I was born, the Ivashkov clan had a big celebration because I was the first 'Moroi son' of the next generation. Even though he was the eldest, uncle Randall had never settled with a Moroi woman and preferred to keep company with Dhampir ladies, so naturally none of his children, including sons, would ever be acknowledged as 'Ivashkovs' – something I don't think Dimitri would ever lose sleep over.

Why did it take so long for the first 'Ivashkov son' of the new generation to be born? The harsh reality of our world was that most Moroi couples struggle to have children and when they do they usually only have the one – not sure if it's because of fertility issues or if Moroi women refuse to go through the 'pain' and 'disfigurement' of pregnancy a second time. There are a few exceptions and I'm not surprised that Eric Dragomir falls in that category – clearly he had excellent 'swimmers' and/or willing/fertile Moroi partners! The point is that Moroi families tend to be on the small side, at least nowadays, but my parents had other plans.

Theirs was a marriage of convenience and opportunity – as tends to be the case for most Royal Moroi but they had aspirations for a large family. So when I was born they had hoped I would be the first in a long line of progeny.

But that wasn't to be the case.

They tried and tried and tried, even resorting to IVF, but they couldn't fall pregnant again. It finally dawned on my parents that I was it, that there would be no more beyond me for them. This lead to my mother increasing her coddling ten-fold and spoiling me rotten while my father grew distant and bitter. He somehow blamed me for their lack of conception and when I first started showcasing signs of Spirit, was convinced I was a 'defect' progeny, something that shouldn't have even been born.

I think I was around 11 when my father finally shifted his focus to worrying about making more money and fucking his mistresses, while my mother's 'love' continued to be misguided to the point where she seemed to almost encourage my vices thinking that by doing so she was keeping me happy. A part of me desperately wanted some semblance of discipline and stability – instead I got a free ticket to do whatever the hell I wanted.

It wasn't until I met Rose and Lissa when I finally found the courage to face the harsh truth – my life so far had been shallow & meaningless; and came to an enlightened epiphany – I was actually worth something beyond the Ivashkov name.

The final and most important person who graced my life, to transform me from a playboy royal to a working family man, was my beloved little sorceress and notorious, badass ex-Alchemist, Sydney. She bought the stability and love I had craved all my life and I consider myself beyond blessed & lucky that I get to spend the rest of my life with her, raising our children together.

Ah yes – children. When I was younger and finally understood that I was an only child, I craved the company of others my age or younger for playmates. I had quite a few Moroi cousins (and of course an untold number of Dhampir ones but who kept tab on those?) but they kept their distance because of my close relationship with Great Aunt Tati – they didn't want to do something which could upset her, and of course my weird 'elemental abilities' & the subsequent side-effects.

When I started fooling around with the opposite sex, the concept of children struck fear in my heart. The last thing I wanted to do was spawn untold number of Ivashkov bastards – I had no aspirations to follow in the footsteps of my father or my uncles. So you can imagine the kind of internal shock I went through when Declan was thrown into our lives.

If 'having' Declan wasn't crazy enough, discovering his amazing parentage and realising it would need to be hidden from the rest of the world – since it was such a game-changer – just complicated things further. We only told a few to avoid unnecessary attention and give Declan the chance to have a 'normal' childhood.

It's strange, the first person I even remotely imagined myself having kids with was Rose – though I know now my love and attraction was misguided. But embarking on parenthood with Syd just felt natural since we complemented each other – she was the serious, cautious, responsible parent and I the total opposite. Together we created a safe and fun world for Declan.

The first six months weren't easy – neither one of us had experience with babies or children and really felt out of our element, no matter how much research Syd did or the countless books I read. After about the nine month mark, we realised we should use our resources as 'go to guides' and not as the hard and fast rule. We discovered it was all about trial & error and in the end listening to your intuition. Having my mum live with us also helped a lot!

It's strange how it took an orphaned Dhampir child to bring out the true maternal side of my mum or maybe it was the fact she was no longer married to Nathaniel Ivashkov. Either way mum became one of our most valued and trusted resources. There were times Sydney would reach out to her own mum, but since Declan wasn't human it made sense to refer to the vampire-based information.

When Syd fell pregnant with our baby girl we were much better prepared and it helped that Declan was no longer a baby. By then we understood that every child was unique and what may have worked on one wouldn't on another – this and many other 'pearls of wisdom' were bestowed upon us thanks to so many of our friends and family having babies. A plethora of stories and advice were traded especially how to cope with the pregnancy and the affect it would have on our family and us as a couple – some even coming from my mum, who having recently given birth to my half-sister, was more than willing to share on how to keep the 'romance' alive – both in and out of the bedroom – cue internal shudder!

One person who didn't seem too keen on the baby was Declan. Even though he was only 6, Declan was a very smart kid. Our little warrior showed great aptitude in both combat and studies and seemed to grasp complex concepts about the world with relative ease. Which is why, when he turned 5, we told him the truth about his parents and how Uncle Neil – who he only saw on his birthday – was actually his dad. Some, including my mum, thought he was too young to be told the truth, but Syd and I had observed the old soul he possessed and the amazing wisdom he seemed to have regarding social situations, and knew he could handle it.

He took the news remarkably well and understood that Uncle Neil would always be Uncle Neil and that we were his parents – no matter what. But when he discovered he was having a baby sister, one that was actually 'born from us', he became withdrawn. He fell into a strange melancholy and would refuse to be in the same room as Syd if anyone bought up the baby. We naturally became worried – surely this wasn't normal sibling behaviour? And then one day, when Syd was about 3 weeks from her due date, Declan ran away.

Thankfully by then we were living in Court so at least we knew he was somewhere within – no way the gate Guardians would have allowed a 6 year old to venture off alone. Naturally we roped in all our friends and family to help us in the search. It was the scariest four hours of our lives, with Syd going out of her mind because she was on bed rest – it had been a while since a human gave birth to a Dhampir and the Court doctors wanted to keep a close eye on Syd and not have her stress or over-exert herself.

We had searched every corner of Court and were about to mobilise the Guardians when something told me to check Aunt Tati's memorial garden – a place Declan and I frequented during our father/son time. The sense of relief I felt when I saw his hunched body sitting under Aunt Tati's statue was liberating – I wanted to scream, cry and shout in joy all at the same time. Rushing over, I didn't waste any time to take him into my arms and hold him tight. After letting Syd and the others know that he was safe, the two of us spent a long time talking.

He finally confessed why he wasn't thrilled about his sister's birth – he was worried that we would forget about him because we were finally having a child that we had 'made together'. I could see where his fears were coming from but they were unfounded. I spent a long time explaining how it didn't matter to us that we hadn't 'made him' – we raised him and loved him with all our heart. He was our son, plain and simple. My reassuring words and the warmth of Syd's hug finally settled the matter and Declan no longer dreaded the impending arrival of his sibling.

To this day I have a hard time remembering the actual labour – I vaguely recall a slightly fractured hand, a nurse 'accidently' catching fire and that the whole ordeal lasted for over 24 hours. What I do remember is the surreal experience of holding Tanya in my hands – she was half of me and half of Syd and completely perfect. I recollect the tears that were streaming down my face as I had watched the little angel in my arms – so vulnerable, so trusting. When she opened her eyes I could see her mother's wisdom and my great aunt's fierceness. It was why we named her Tanya – as an homage to the first woman who had truly loved and understood me.

My eyes find Declan, sitting in a circle with his little aunt Anna, Catalina and Darin while all four dote on Tanya who looks beyond adorable in a little princess tutu dress. I feel a little pang of guilt when I think back to Declan's first birthday. Since we were still hiding his origins, the party was small and simple – just us, my mum, Eddie and Jill.

And yet, here he is, the perfect brother – loving & attentive. I'm not sure if we will have any more children or what the future holds for our family, but what I do know is that Syd and I will always be there for our kids – helping them, guiding them and loving them.

Who knew a screw-up like me could turn out to be a fun & respectable dad, with a natural talent to pull-off a pink tiara – Aunt Tati would have been so proud!


	4. AN - Announcement for AU Special piece

**SPECIAL ANNOUNCEMENT!**

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Tomorrow the **'VA AU Special Compilation'** will be posted and I will be contributing a story to the collection as well as some well-known VA fandom writers.

I'm humbled and honoured to have been asked to contribute.

So please check out the **'VA AU Special Compilation'** by VA10thanniversaryproject.

My story is called **How I met your mother...**

Here is a little excerpt to give you a tiny taste…

 _As the small crowd dispersed from the dance floor, his eyes zoned in on the most beautiful creature he had ever scene. She was wearing a long, dark blue gown that clasped on one shoulder and left the other exposed in a delectable manner. Her long brown hair was styled to drape across that exposed shoulder and she wore minimal jewellery. He couldn't see much of her face since the mask she wore covered most of her features, except her lips, which were two dark red beacons that beckoned him._


	5. Part IV

**Here is the final part of the four part series.**

 **Releasing it today because it's Father's Day here in Australia.**

 **I would like to dedicate this piece to my uncle who passed away this week – may you watch over us from heaven while you kick back and enjoy time with those already there xoxoxo**

 **PART IV = DIMITRI**

I don't know why I'm nervous.

My palms are sweaty, my heart is beating like I've been running and my mouth is drier than the Nevada desert.

As always, Roza senses my discomfort and lends me her strength. Her hand grabs mine and squeezes it, communicating so much in that simple gesture. I try to smile but I think I fail because she lightly giggles and shakes her head in sympathy.

I go to plan B – I snap on my Guardian mask and face forward again. This is not the time to become a slave to my emotions. I should be the one who the family leans on, not the other way round.

But I can't help it as I watch our daughter Christina, my little Krestya, walk in to her first day of kindergarten. Regardless of my reservations, she has embarked on the journey to become what her parents are – a Guardian.

Duty

Honour

Sacrifice

They come first

These are the four cornerstones upon which the very foundation of Guardian education – theory and combat – is built.

We are taught it is our duty to protect the Moroi.

We are taught being a Guardian is an honourable position.

We are taught that sacrifice is a way of life if you want to be a good Guardian and that you have to be willing to sacrifice everything – including your own life.

And of course, the most important mantra of all – They, the Moroi, come first.

When I was young and saw my father, when he visited us every few months, I could see why it was our responsibility to protect the Moroi. Even though he was tall and had more muscle than your average male Moroi, he seemed more 'fragile' compared to us. His dependency on getting blood regularly and inability to handle sunlight only further confirmed my assessment.

Up until Vika turned 3, our father was actually a decent guy. Unlike the other Moroi men who came and had one-night stands in Baia, he would visit us often and treat us almost like family. Whenever he came he would bring gifts and made sure he spent time with everyone. Babushka never liked him – maybe she knew what was to come or maybe she just didn't like him in general – either way she would leave a day before he arrived and wouldn't return until he left, which is why when things went bad mama had to deal with our father by herself.

For a long time I didn't know what triggered the change in his behaviour, but Adrian's theory – when we finally discussed our family – was that when the Ivashkov Council seat became available, after his great Uncle Nikolai passed away, my father assumed he would be chosen since he was the eldest of that generation. But instead the 'honour' went to Nathan, Adrian's father. Adrian thinks it was the final 'nail in the coffin' for my father/his uncle after having endured years of direct and indirect jests about his nomadic lifestyle and preference in women. Once Nathan was given 'command' of the family he disowned his big brother, making him homeless and penniless.

We concluded that this led my father to take up drinking which unfortunately unleased the 'demon'. Having no one he could turn to in the Ivashkov clan – even Tatianna had pulled back from helping him – he moved in with us, the next closest thing he had to a family. Since he couldn't lash out at his 'Moroi' family he decided he would vent his frustrations on his 'Dhampir' one. And that's how abuse and domestic violence came into our lives.

It started off small – a degrading comment here, a loud yell there. The first person he raised his hand on was Karo, not mama, because she had been in a mood and refused to turn the volume on the TV down which didn't help our father's pounding hangover headache. After that incident, she tried to avoid him as much as possible by staying at the academy while he lived with us. The more he drank the worse he got. I shudder to think what he did to mama behind closed doors but in front of us he would belittle her and constantly try and pick fights. My mama, the sweet woman she is, would try and pacify him, agreeing to anything no matter how stupid it was just to shut him up or calm him down.

For 2 years the man I had once called 'father' terrorised our family, until finally I had gained enough strength – both physical and mental – to kick him out. He had never imagined his own son, a Dhampir training to become a Guardian, would be the one to kick his ass and throw him out. He probably thought the whole 'they come first' would prevent me from stepping up and calling him on his behaviour, because after all he was a Moroi and a Royal one at that. But I no longer saw him as a 'Royal Moroi' and definitely didn't think of him in a 'fatherly' capacity – no, to me he was simply a nightmare.

You would think experiencing such a facet of 'fatherhood' would scar me for life but it only made me want a family of my own even more. Thanks to the way mama and babushka raised me I was certain I could do a better job at being a papa than my father ever did – even in his pre-drinking days. But the reality of that happening was slim – I was to be a Guardian and it would be expected of me to lay my life on the line and put the Moroi before all else, including a family. And anyway, it was almost rare for a male Guardian to even have the opportunity to father children since it would have to be with a Moroi woman and they aren't as 'accommodating' about having kids with a Dhampir as Moroi men – maybe it was because they would actually have to be involved by carrying the child for 9 months and then raise it, even if it was through nannies.

So when I met Tasha through Ivan and she seemed different to other Royal Moroi, I dared to dream. I wasn't in love with her per say but she was nice & kind and seemed the best & only option I had in achieving my dream of having a family.

And then Ivan was killed.

My life fell off its axis and I blamed myself for his death – not only because I hadn't been there to protect him but because I had been planning another life on the side unbeknownst to him. In my mind, I somehow attributed his death as a form of punishment for thinking I could have a life of my own, for dreaming to be a papa.

When I finally emerged from my soul-crushing grief I was a changed man.

 _Duty…Honour…Sacrifice…They come first…_

I lived and breathed these words – they were the first words I uttered every time I awoke and the last words I thought before I went to bed. I had finally accepted them as a way of life and built a wall around myself, all the while pushing my 'childish dream' of wanting my own family into a tiny corner of my soul.

And then I met Roza.

She was a walking, talking enigma – a reckless, undisciplined girl who openly rebelled against authority, and yet was one of the most passionate, dedicated Guardians I had ever met. Even though I was supposed to be teaching and mentoring her, she in her own way, taught and mentored me. She slowly chipped away and broke down the walls I had erected, showing me that there was more to life than just being a mindless servant and soldier. And I again I dared to dream.

I hate to admit that in a small moment of weakness I questioned my logic for falling for another Dhampir – there was no way we could have a family together, nature said so. And in that small moment I re-considered the offer from Tasha, not only because I was certain that was the only way I could have a family, but my strong moral compass was pulling me towards what it felt was the 'sensible' choice in a life partner.

But having finally experienced love, for the first time, my heart wanted to be selfish for once and thankfully knocked some much needed sense into me. It made me realise how lucky I was to have found true love because so many go through life wishing they could have the love I had found and here I was ready to give it all up for a chance to be a father with a woman I saw no more than a good friend.

My personal priorities shifted – I no longer dreamt I was playing with a group of faceless children, who I knew were mine. No, in this future, I saw Roza and OUR children and I realised that if I were to have children it would be with her or none at all. And I don't know why, but a small part of me dared to hope it could happen – after all Roza was special and had done/experienced so many things that went against nature.

And then I became a Strigoi.

Honestly, it felt like every time life was perfect the universe said 'fuck you!' The irony is that I was finally able to be a 'papa' after I became one of the undead. The only person I ever confided this tale to was Roza – when I was able to recall those 'dark days' without having a panic attack or falling into deep depression. I told her about my Strigoi 'daughter'.

After I had been awakened in the caves, I was consumed by bloodlust which was expected of 'newborns' and was supposed to last a month while the body undergoes the major changes to accept the Strigoi physiology. During that month, Nathan and the 'gang' had left me to fend for myself, knowing my bloodlust made me a liability. Plus its part of the whole 'natural selection' process – if you can't conquer the bloodlust and/or get sloppy enough to be killed than you weren't 'strong' enough to be a Strigoi and definitely not worthy to join a 'nest'.

One day the bloodlust had enraptured me and I had come across a human family vacationing in a cabin. It felt like an all-you-can-eat buffet and I definitely took advantage of what was on offer. I had consumed the entire family and was about to leave when I heard a sniffling noise from the pantry. Turns out the youngest member, a 6 years old girl, had been playing hide and seek with her siblings when I had 'dropped in' for dinner. She had heard the screams and had remained hidden until her emotions had given her away. I was still getting used to my heightened senses which was probably why I hadn't picked up on her sole heartbeat, but I had her now.

For once I was too full so didn't feel like feeding from her and I knew I couldn't just leave her here nor drop her off at the nearest town. No, unfortunately the only option was to end her life – it was easier this way and less hassle for me. I kept it quick and just snapped her delicate neck with one flick of the wrist. But as I took in her features, I realised they reminded me of Roza – waist-long wavy brown her, dark brown eyes and skin the colour of almond. She almost looked like how I'd imagined our kids would look like. I blame my new life mantra – 'to do whatever the hell I want' – and a lingering need to have my 'own family' for the decision I made next because looking back at it now it was definitely one of my worst ones.

I decided to awaken her.

There was a reason Strigoi didn't turn children and I learnt my lesson the hard way. I was suddenly dealing with not only the bloodlust but tantrums and attitude. Her name was Alexandra and she was a sadistic little thing and I couldn't have been prouder – at the time. Having her for company made my journey to Russia both entertaining and exasperating, but for the first time I felt like a papa and she was my little Sasha. Unfortunately, Galina didn't feel the same way and one day 'took care of the problem' while I was out being her 'errand boy'. I think it was that very same day I decided Galina had to go – not only so I could take over her empire but because she thought she could take my Sasha away from me. As a Strigoi I didn't feel emotions like sadness or guilt, but I was furious that someone under my 'command' was destroyed without my approval and I harboured that rage while I planned my revenge.

Naturally, when I was finally restored, a huge piece of my guilt and self-loathing was centred around Sasha – How could I have corrupted such a pure and innocent soul? How could I have turned a sweet 6 year old girl into a blood thirsty monster? Roza helped me work through the guilt till it was only a small scar on my soul. Another thing she suggested, which helped me immensely, was creating a memorial for my 'Strigoi daughter' – reasoning that in some strange way she was my first child and I shouldn't forget her. And so I planted a small lavender bush in our backyard to remember her by because lavender was her favourite scent and whenever my mind spiralled into darkness, I would go and sit by her 'memorial' and find a way to regain my peace.

And then Declan came into our lives.

When we were finally told the truth about Declan's parentage I was beyond ecstatic! But there were other factors to consider – like us getting married as I didn't want kids out of wedlock. There was also the uncertainty on how Roza felt about having kids, a conversation we didn't feel the need to have since we thought we couldn't conceive.

But now that it was a possibility, we started talking more and more about it. And I could see her natural reluctance – not because she didn't like kids, she adored and fawned over Paul, Zoya and Katya – but because she was worried, as always, in her own capabilities to perform the role of a mother.

If I thought I had to work hard to get engaged and married, it took triple the effort to convince Roza to start a family, with constant reassurances that she would make a wonderful mama and that she could still find ways to protect Lissa and keep being a Guardian.

I still remember the day she told me we were pregnant – I think I had stopped breathing for a good 2 mins! But then I had been overwhelmed with so much love and happiness that I was sure if Adrian had seen my aura he would have complained about becoming blind!

And then we had the miscarriage.

Again I wondered if this was the universe punishing us for trying to seek out happiness beyond what was expected for a Guardian or maybe we were being punished for the heinous crime I had committed when I turned Sasha into a Strigoi.

It's difficult dealing with a tragedy while trying to continue with your life, and I imagined the grief and suffering a mother experiences is exponentially worse than what a father would – after all she was the one carrying the child and in that 'incubation' period the bond between a child and its mother is deep.

I felt like an outsider watching the events unfold and it killed me that I couldn't do anything to ease the pain and guilt Roza was feeling. I could see her draw into herself and taking the blame when it was no one's fault. She didn't feel like my Roza any more – instead becoming a cold, hard-shelled version of herself.

She thought I wasn't aware that she had secretly gone back on the pill, but I found her meds one day when I was looking for something in the bathroom. Weirdly seeing her going back on contraception and giving up on us trying again broke my heart more than the miscarriage. Not knowing how to get through the wall she had erected around herself, I turned to the only other woman in my life who understood me just as well as Roza – I called mama.

A day later she turned up, locked herself and Roza in our guest bedroom for the whole day and commanded I leave them be until they were ready to emerge. I think finding out that she wasn't the only one to have experienced a miscarriage helped Roza a lot and she finally came back to me, becoming once more my Roza.

I'd like to think God finally took pity on us – after all the trials and suffering we had endured – and granted us a child.

I still remember the day my little Krestya was born. Roza had pushed me off the bed as the first of her contractions hit her. I remember fumbling around, trying to grab the hospital bag and clothes for us to wear for the hospital, all the while trying to calm Roza (and myself) and keeping track of the contractions. We had just stepped out of the house when her water broke which forced her contractions to come on faster. Even after all that it was a long labour, filled with violence and cursing the likes of which the nurses and our doc had never seen, but the end result had been worth it.

As I held Christina in my arms, she seemed so small and fragile but oh so perfect. Just like with her mama, I couldn't help the promise that slipped out right there and then – that my little Krestya would always be my priority, that she would always come first.

It wasn't long before we were blessed with our son Ivan, our handsome Vanya. Roza seemed to cope better with this pregnancy and even the labour was smoother – further confirming my theory that Ivan was definitely his mama's boy.

A tug on my pant leg brings me be back to the present and as I pick up Vanya and hug Roza, I realise that I still live by those four cornerstones that dictate a Guardian's life.

The **duty** I have to my kids to ensure they are loved and protected – always.

The **honour** I feel being their papa – I can't imagine two more perfect children!

But most importantly, how I wouldn't think twice to **sacrifice** myself for them because now and forever more…

 **They come first.**

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 **I hope you all enjoyed this mini-series – it was interesting writing it!  
Confess to getting a bit teary at the end there…**

 **I know its technically 4** **th** **Sept now in Aus (was busy today with Father's day festivities and after putting the kids to bed, had to contend with 'tag teaming' of unsettled/crying kiddies).  
I've editing the story but if there are any glaring mistakes, let me know.**

 **It's always difficult to write from a 'male' perspective when the writer is female so I hope I did the characters justice.**

 **Small note on my other pieces:**

 **Restaurant Wars – I have started writing the next chapter but am finding it challenging because it's an important one and very long so please be patient**

 **VA compilations – I will be contributing to the next two compilations so keep a look out for those (this also means I will be dividing my time between these and RW)**

 **And in terms of my personal life…I'm a month away from 'officially' re-starting work so goodbye mat leave** **…this means I will have significantly less time to write so again, please be patient if my updates take longer to happen…**

 **I will also be dedicating one day a week starting in Sept to 'training' (for work) in preparation to re-joining the workforce so my limited time will begin sooner than later**

 **But know that I love writing fanfiction and am not going to stop any time soon – just may take longer to get stuff out.**

 **And I have A LOT of other ideas in the 'pipeline' for VA fanfic so don't think I will disappear once I'm done with the compilations and RW :P**


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